Put on a Happy Face

So, for all of those uptight types who get easily offended here (yes I'm kidding, I really don't think too many of you are uptight, just some hahahaha), remember, we are all family and most of the jesting is done in fun and with a smile on our face, so put on a happy face too.

You can't read this and stay in a bad mood!

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique up on it.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through the Forest ?
They Take the Psychopath

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil the Hell out of It

5. What Do Fish Say when They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get from Sitting on the Ice too long?

Polaroids

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. W hat Do You Call Four Bullfighters in Quicksand?
Quatro Cinco.

11. What Do You Get from a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get when You Cross a Snowman with a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies at the Bottom of the Ocean and Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's the Difference Between Roast Beef and Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog with no Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like to Sky Dive?
Because it Scares the Dog.

18. What Kind of Coffee Was Served on the Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is the Difference Between a Harley and a Hoover ?!
The Location of the Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles on Their Hats.

21. What's the Difference Between a Bad Golfer and a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack , Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado and a Tennessee Divorce the Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose a Trailer

Now, admit it . . at least one of these made you smile!!

Here's another

HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER

You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate,
Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more
curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met
the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy
ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:

__________________________________________________________

Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian
__________________________________________________________

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
____________________________________________________

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER